Turning Point

Fall of 2010 I found myself miserable. I hated my new job (and still do), I hated my new hours and being away from home as much as I was, and was just feeling unfulfilled. 13 hours of my day was spent involved in work. When I wasn't at work I was either sleeping or too tired to do anything else. I needed more but I didn't know how to make any changes to make me feel more fulfilled. And then, I hit the point where I just couldn't take it anymore.

Since I take public transportation to work every day, I get in a nap some nights on the way home. 99.9% of the time I wake up in time to get off at my stop. One night, my husband had taken my car to work so he had the responsibility of picking me up. After a long day of work, he fell asleep waiting for me and this was the same day I slept through my stop. I kept calling and calling him telling him to pick me up at the end of the line and he wasn't picking up his phone. When we finally reached one another we went back and forth whether or not he was going to pick me up where I was or if I was going to ride the next train home to him. By this point it was nearly 3 hours after I had left work and nearly crying because I was just stressed. When he finally arrived, I was spent and on the verge of breaking down in the car. We got to a restaurant and I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I broke down and cried in the bathroom. My husband, of course, sees me get up from the table and has no idea what's going on.

When I calmed myself down enough to return to the table to I told him my being upset wasn't his fault. It was that it was 3.5hrs after I left work for the day and I still wasn't home yet. When I got home I realized that I needed to make a change. I immediately started looking for a new job and I took the next day off from work. I needed a mental health day. No job should make you cry and mine was.

I had also been thinking of returning to church for some time. I broke away for a number of years. Despite attending a catholic college I never attended mass on campus. I was struggling with my relationship with God and my faith. After crying out to God that night in the bathroom of a restaurant, I realized that I needed something else in my life. I started looking into churches in my town. I've found a church that I love, a community of people who are friendly and welcoming, and I've joined the choir. Going to church on Sunday mornings (or Saturday nights) is now part of my routine. I look forward to hearing the pastor's sermon every week.

While I am still miserable with my job, returning to church has helped. Strengthening my relationship with God has made my life feel more full. I'm allowing God to open doors and present himself in my life. Prayer is more a part of my life now and I find myself not only asking God for his guidance into where my next job should lead me but also thanking God for the many blessings he's already given to me. I'm also my niece's godmother. Having my own relationship with God is only going to help to strengthen hers as well.