My Conscious

My conscious is a prickly thing. The things I feel guilty about are things most people wouldn't or shouldn't. For example, I get migraines. Often times my body is wonderful, it wakes me up an hour before my alarm goes off so I can take some excedrine, throw on a migraine ice patch (LOVE those things) and go back to bed. Usually by the time I wake up I'm all better. Then there are the days when an hour is not enough and I need to stay home and rest. I feel guilty taking sick days. I'm entitled to sick days and given that I hate my job as much as I do you would think I would look for any reason to miss work but nope, not me! I feel like I am going to miss something or someone is going to call in on an issue I was working on and no one will know what to do. I realize this is completely irrational thinking and yet I can't help it. 

Now, when I have scheduled day off or week off? Don't care that I may missing work. I think because when I schedule a day off I can plan and tell people things I can work on so they can take care of them for me. Probably the planner/control freak in me. 


For the first few weeks when my accounts moved out to their new site, I worried about the quality of work they were putting out. I have built a reputation and a service quality with my clients and handing it off to someone else was stressing me out. But like anything else in life I had to learn to adapt and let go. With this current job, as I have no accounts that under are my control, letting go will be easier. Letting go for a new job will in fact be joyous.


I keep praying that this is where I should be going next. I keep hoping this is where God is leading me. All the other job interviews I have gone on and not gotten I have tried to learn from and see why it was not a good idea. I went on interviews for jobs that would require me to drive everyday and my husband does not drive a snow friendly car. This has been one of the snowiest winters on record and there's no way my husband would have been able to make it to work  as often as he does now without my car. There's also no way he can afford to get a better suited car right now. The job I am hoping to get an interview with will shorten my commute but I'll still take public transportation so my husband can still take my car in the winter. Now, I just need to get that interview...