Today was the funeral. I managed to survive most of the wake without breaking down and sobbing. Mainly because I couldn't go in and see her and say my goodbyes. Today was harder. Today was the last day I'd ever see her. And I know that's just her body, her soul lives on but that doesn't make it any easier. I managed to avoid crying most of the church services without crying, mainly by digging my nails into my arm. But as we left the church and I heard my mom start to cry, I couldn't stop myself. Seeing other people at the church crying didn't help either. But the priest did a wonderful ceremony. He met with her a couple times while she was still sick so the sermon seemed much more personal. The priest actually said to the family he wished he'd met with her more but she didn't realize how sick she really was. None of us did towards the end. We knew she wasn't doing well but didn't expect everything to move so quickly. I know she's at peace & in no pain now though.
It's going to be very weird going to that house and not seeing her there. Half the afternoon, sitting in the reception afterwards thinking she'd just be sitting in the living room chatting with her friends. Silly, I know. But it just didn't seem entirely real. I don't think it will for some time, until I go over to their house and she's not there.
I am not looking forward to going to work tomorrow.
On top of all what happened the last few days, the memorial for my dad's twin is this weekend. We've all decided as a family no one else is allowed to be sick for quite some time.
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